


leave the pieces

by littlesnowpea



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Swearing, dissolution of the best (b)romance, i don't know i just have a lot of feelings ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 14:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesnowpea/pseuds/littlesnowpea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you're not sure that you love me but you're not sure enough to let me go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	leave the pieces

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this waaaay back last season when we traded ginner. i decided to post it here because these feelings now apply x100 to dougie and i can't bear to write a goodbye fic for him yet.
> 
> sorry for all of my feelings.

Logan had had many disappointments in his life. It was inevitable- nothing in life ever went one hundred percent as planned, and sometimes when things were ninety-five percent great, it was the missing five percent that was killing you. 

Logan was really good at dealing with being bitterly, heartbreakingly disappointed (read: lazing around, moping, listening to more than the healthy amount of Drake.) He knew exactly how to carefully bottle up that gut-wrenching, hollow feeling and store it away, deep inside, where he never talked about or thought about it again. 

He never in a million years expected Jamie to be one of those things he kept in a tightly sealed box deep inside his heart. Stupid as it sounded, he believed fervently in the “one”, like Jamie was what he’d been waiting for his whole life. To Logan, Jamie was the mythical prince in shining armor- well, more like a prince in slightly rusty, secondhand, ill-fitting armor, but a prince nonetheless.

He was Logan’s prince, and from the moment they met, Logan was stupid in love with him. He says stupid in love because all logic flew out the window where Jamie was concerned. Not really a safe bet by any regard, but Logan truly and honestly couldn’t help it. He’d gone his whole life believing he was unattractive and wouldn’t find anyone who’d want anything to do with him, no matter how many times his mother tried to convince him otherwise.

But suddenly, right when Logan was giving up hope, there was Jamie and Jamie wanted everything to do with Logan. Everything.

That’s probably why this hurt so much.  
\--

He first started noticing that Jamie was acting differently in February. Ironically, on Valentine’s Day, and when Logan stared at him from across the table on their date because they were supposed to be in love, damnit all Jamie did was stare blankly around, never meeting Logan’s eyes, not even talking.

He should have listened to the sinking feeling in his stomach, but again, Jamie made him stupid, so Logan absolutely did not listen to himself.

“Is there something wrong, Jamie?” Logan snapped about halfway through their date, unable to prevent the note of pleading from slipping into the question. Jamie did not shoot him an annoyed glare, which just made Logan’s heart ache more. Instead, Jamie looked at his clasped hands like they were the most intriguing things in the world and Logan felt like throwing up.

“I’m just thinking, Logan,” Jamie replied quietly. The lack of the usual babe made Logan’s throat go dry and his eyes tear up a bit, but he stubbornly shoved them away. 

“About what?” Logan demanded, having enough sense to keep his voice low, but unable to stop himself from pressing, pressing more until he saw the Jamie he knew instead of whoever had replaced him. Jamie looked up from his hands, but bypassed Logan’s face in favor of staring with much determination at the wine bottle. His lips were pressed together in a thin line and he looked for all the world like the was keeping his mouth shut in a huge act of self-sacrifice.

That little bastard.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said when he finally fucking realized that Logan was not going to let this just drop. “I don’t want to see you cry.”

“That’s what you’re thinking about?” Logan hissed in disbelief. “Really? i thought we’d been over this. Jesus, Jamie, we aren’t in a brand new relationship, we’re comfortable around each other.”

He paused, taking in Jamie’s rigid spine and death grip on his fork before continuing in a much quieter tone.

“Or, we were.”

“Not like that,” Jamie whispered, closing his eyes briefly. Logan dropped his fork with a clatter and stared, open-mouthed at his boyfriend.

“Jamie,” Logan’s voice was not something he was proud of, but he had to talk the other man out of this, had to understand what was going on, because right now he didn’t and felt like he was lost in the middle of the ocean.

When he didn’t give any indication he’d heard, Logan felt a spark of fury and pressed louder.

“Jamie.”

The man finally looked up, and Logan immediately felt like vomiting.

“Jamie, please, what’s wrong?” Logan begged, reaching over to him, and his   
heart stopped when Jamie quickly pulled away. “Jamie, please. I love you!”

“I’m not sure that I do,” Jamie replied and slapped a hand over his mouth with a groan.

Logan stared at him.

“Oh,” he said dumbly, and he guessed he realized what people meant when they said that they wished the ground would swallow them whole. He felt like he was in the spotlight in front of millions of people and Jamie was looking across at him with a pleading expression. Logan couldn’t handle this, not on fucking Valentine’s Day not in the middle of a restaurant with couples all around them and this fucking bastard couldn’t have done this earlier?

“Logan, I don’t want to lose you-” Jamie was speaking in a rush, desperate, but it may as well have been silence for all the effect it had on Logan.

“I”m going,” he said softly and stood, leaving Jamie with that same stupid expression on his face and trying desperately to keep every piece of himself together until he was gone.

\--  
So, Logan knew what disappointment felt like, and now he could say with some degree of certainty that he knew what heartbreak felt like, too, and no amount of Drake made him feel better.

He couldn’t live like this. It was killing him, and all Jamie had been since was apologetic looks and biting his lips. He was done.

There were fifteen boxes of Jamie’s things waiting by the front door. He figured he could spare the other man the trouble of packing them up himself since clearly this entire relationship had been a burden for him.

They were supposed to get married and Logan’s heart clenched and all he wanted to do was cry into his mother’s arms and scream at the top of his lungs because this wasn’t fair, this wasn’t fair to Logan. He needed more, he deserved more because he’d changed his fucking ways for that man and there was nothing left to say.

Jamie had broken his heart either way.

On top of the boxes, there was a short note in Logan’s eternally messy handwriting. Logan couldn’t face Jamie one more day, he couldn’t tell him to get out without dissolving into tears he definitely wasn’t proud of, but Jamie needed to go. Logan was drowning.

leave your house keys on the counter. don’t call me or text me please. thanks. 

The note looked weird to him- well, obviously, it was a message essentially kicking Jamie from his life- and Logan realized with a jolt he hadn’t signed it with love, logan like he’d done with every other note in this relationship and he felt like sinking to the floor and clinging to Jamie, begging him to change his mind, to tell him that no, he was sure he loved him, don’t worry Logan, you’re being dumb.

Logan couldn’t though, because Jamie didn’t love Logan anymore, and no amount of feelings that Logan had for the other man would change that fact. The note still bugged him, so he added a hasty signature to the end, so Jamie would know it was really from him-like there was any doubt, but still.

He stood by the door and gave the boxes on last critical look before stepping outside and slamming the door on the last reminder that what he thought was his forever was over.

He wondered if Nemo would be willing to put up with him for a few days. 


End file.
